I've been into competitive sports for a while now, for various and stupid reasons, not the least of which is I can eat donuts and drink beer and (usually) not gain weight. Whatever. It's the health aspect that's important. You know, the yin to the yang of the beer and donuts. The trouble is, I've sucked like a Hoover at most of them. Now I know why, thanks to the USOC.
Knitters and crocheters over at Ravelry have been messing with my sport mojo and it stops now because of the hyper-vigilance of a law clerk at the USOC headquarters not a hundred miles from my house. Kismet! I should drive down there today and give them a big, fat wet kiss for being my athletic supporter. But I have a league tennis match tonight, which I will surely win now that my tennis skillz aren't being thwarted by disrespecting commie-pinko-fascist knitters.
Yes, I realize I'm guilty of having "denigrate(ed) the true nature of the Olympic Games," myself but I don't think Ravelry is going to catch on. There's only two million members. It's not like anybody pays attention to it. So thank you, USOC, for saving me from wasting two weeks of my life trying to knit a fair aisle jumper in 23 different colors on size two needles. Although I'm not an *Olym**c-caliber athlete, it's good to know you've got my back.
*The term "Olympic," and any iteration thereof, including any word ending with --ympic, --ympia, --ympiad, and asshat are for the exclusive use of the USOC only. Anyone attempting to use the words, especially people with sharp needles and hooks, will be smote with as much legal bad-assness as the USOC can afford, which is plenty.